Over the last few months I’ve received a number of questions from men and women about men and the things men do. So I thought, where better than to open up the mailbag as it were and let loose with some straightforward advice. Feel free to send me a question if you have anything you want to know about the male species.
“Hey Dale, Why do men find it hard to talk about – anything?”
MH - Oakville
Well,…I wish there was a better, more profound way of saying this,…but there isn’t. Men don’t talk about stuff because they’re afraid. Some of them are afraid of who’s asking they are talking to, some of them are afraid of what they believe the conversation will stir up inside of them, many of them are afraid of what the conversation says about them and mostly guys are afraid of opening up because they believe they will be judged harshly and/or negatively for sharing who they are. So they don’t share and in not sharing they either dummy up and go silent or they engage in any number of distraction-like behaviours; shell games if you will so they don’t have to come back to any conversation which is uncomfortable.
“Hey Dale, where are all of the real men who want to meet real women? My girlfriends and I are all single, middle-aged, successful and gorgeous and we can’t seem to find any men who want to be with us – they’re all taken right?”
TK - Vancouver
Uhh, no, they’re not taken. Most of them are likely looking for someone other than you and your girls. You haven’t told me how you go about looking for ‘real men,’ but I can tell you that real men are likely not looking for real women. A guy who is self-assured, made, knows his purpose and is living life to the fullest is not out there looking for women; he’s living his life doing what he really loves. If you’re fortunate enough to meet a guy like this as he’s doing what he loves, then he’ll likely take notice of you. But, be forewarned – he’ll know if you’re a pretender and he’ll stay clear of you. My best counsel to you is to pursue what you really enjoy in life and look around to see if there are any guys enjoying themselves as well. Like attracts like; keep that in mind as you cruise
“Every girl I’ve ever met is really cool in the beginning but then sometime during the relationship they start asking me to change who I am – why are chicks always asking guys to change?”
BB – Spokane, WA
I know it’s a bit of a paradox isn’t it? They diggin’ us in the beginning; we can do no wrong and the sun literally shines out of our asses. Then, whammo! Suddenly, everything from what we wear to who we hang with and how we spend our time is up for grabs in what appears to be a mass overhaul, Extreme Makeover. It’s said that women become more attracted to men that they love, while men become more in love with women that they are attracted to. I believe this answers your question. Who you are in the beginning of the relationship is really irrelevant compared to how you make your girl feel. If she feels really good about you, and you and her, then she’s going be blind to your many idiosyncrasies. But as the relationship deepens and the blush of crush begins to evolve – she begins to look at you with another purpose in mind, which is can she see spending her life with you. And the difference between you being Mr. Right and Mr. Right For Now, is your ability to see what she is asking you to look at about yourself and your willingness to make those changes. Women really believe that they mould us into better men and from where I sit that’s mostly true. A guy who takes his lady’s shaping and integrates it into his life becomes a better man; a man who innately is more attractive to women.
Til next week,
Dale
Dale Curd is Director of The Mens Program and a counselor in private practise. Check him out at www.DaleCurd.com.
Dale is the co-host of "Guy Talk" 10 pm (EST)Sunday nights on CFRB 1010 or www.CFRB.com.
If YOU have a question for Dale, feel free to post it below!
