R. Kelly has been getting off easy for a long time both with underage girls and with the courts; but after 6 years of delays, jury selection finally began today in his pornography trial. “The Pied Piper” as he has referred to himself in the past faces up to 15 years in jail and if it is in fact Kelly in the videos maybe he should have opted to wear the Zorro mask that he somehow made look cool for a couple of years in the videos he was making. The trial promises to be an interesting one because neither Kelly nor the woman who was a minor at the time in the video has admitted that it was them. Obviously R. Kelly isn’t going to confirm anything but you would think the woman would, that way she could probably make some money out of the deal.
We’re going to go out on a limb and say it is R. Kelly in the videos. The guy is one of the most sexual people we have ever encountered. Listen to songs like ‘Bump n’ Grind’ and ‘Ignition’ and try not to blush. The guy is like the Wilt Chamberlain or Gene Simmons of R&B. Oh, and don’t forget that he got popped on child pornography charges in 2003 and would have been found guilty if the trial wasn’t thrown out because the judge ruled the detectives illegally seized the photographs from a digital camera.
Even if R. Kelly didn’t mean to slip it in a minor, it was only a matter of time before it happened. If we were a superstar at an after party, riding high on the adrenaline and god knows what else would be in our systems, the last thing we would be doing is asking to see a pretty girl’s identification when she threw herself at us. Also, young girls are looking pretty grown up these days. It must be something in the food because by the time a girl is 16 she can have a mean set of sweater puppets.
Celebrities just need to stop taping and taking pictures of their conquests, that kind of stuff leaks quicker than my grandfather after a big glass of water. We like R. Kelly, his music is key to hear in a club. It gives you the perfect opportunity to rub yourself up on the crisp girl you’ve been having eye sex with all night. However, unlike R. Kelly, we do ask to see identification and we don’t tape our conquests.
